


Castle of Glass

by Shadeoflight



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Anal Sex, Arguments, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:21:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24097258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadeoflight/pseuds/Shadeoflight
Summary: Chakotay and Tom Paris have never gotten along with each other, but after an away mission shortly after the events in the Hirogen territory the First Officer of the Voyager realizes that he's tired of fighting with Tom, and that he wants to be Tom's friend and perhaps even something more one day...
Relationships: Chakotay/Tom Paris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Castle of Glass

**Author's Note:**

> I've always been fascinated by Chakotay and Tom's difficult relationship, and I wanted to explore it a little bit further. I hope I caught their characters right. Feedback, kudos and comments would be wonderful and really make so happy if you liked this story! <3

It had all started after another away mission that hadn't gone as planned.

The crew were still recovering from having been abused as prey for the Hirogen hunters on board their own ship and still dealing with the messages they'd gotten from home, each of them in their own way.

So it was probably understandable that their nerves were all raw thanks to the latest events. Chakotay had led the away mission and Lt. Paris had flown the shuttlecraft, almost crashing it on the surface of the planet they'd wanted to explore. It hadn't been Tom's fault though, not at all, they had all just underestimated the turbulences the huge thunderstorm had caused in the atmosphere - as they were all humans born to make mistakes after all. Chakotay had come to regret his harsh words quickly, making his way to Paris' quarters to apologize when they'd all been back on board the Voyager, safe and in one piece thanks to Tom Paris' piloting skills.

Tom let him in, standing before the scuttle of his quarters with his back to it and staring at him with gritted teeth and a blank expression on his face as he waited for his commanding officer to reprimand him once again.

Chakotay had to admit that it was his fault as much as Tom's that they still weren't really getting along despite depending so much on each other here in the Delta Quadrant, but they both seemed unable to forget their past at the Maquis and all the reservations they'd been holding against one another back then – mostly he himself as the First Officer of the Voyager knew quite well and was honest enough to admit.

He'd gritted his teeth as well, disappointed that his attempt to offer a sincere apology and thank you to the young lieutenant was met with such obvious contempt and unwillingness to make amends, and his excuse came out harsher than he'd intended it to sound.

“Am I allowed to speak freely, sir?” Paris asked in a shallow voice when Chakotay was done, and he nodded, thinking their helmsman deserved just as much to vent his displeasure after being blamed for something that hadn't been his fault in front of the entire away team.

What the Commander couldn't have anticipated though was how much the lieutenant must apparently despise him, because the flood of angry words and accusations simply wouldn't stop again after it had been let loose.

Chakotay found himself listening to Tom Paris' long nursed fury in shocked silence, and their confrontation would surely have caused a rift between them that could never be mended again if Chakotay hadn't been the attentive watcher he actually was.

Somewhere in the middle of the lieutenant's irate speech the Commander noticed that Tom didn't seem to really see him any longer, his expression changing ever so slightly and his eyes becoming distant as if he was seeing somebody else instead of his commanding officer. Chakotay blinked, but it was still the same when he looked at the younger man again, and he put two and two together rather quickly, realizing that Tom wasn't talking to him any longer, but probably to his own father.

Of course Chakotay had known that the relationship between Tom and the admiral wasn't the best, but he hadn't realized how bad it actually was, and how much Paris must have suffered over the last years, knowing that he could never get his father's approval, no matter what he did and how hard he tried to prove his worth to the man who'd raised him.

Not his outstanding skills as a pilot, not his honesty when he'd admitted that he'd been responsible for this terrible accident back then, not his cooperation after he'd been sentenced for his conspiracy with the Maquis, nothing would ever make Admiral Paris love his son the way he more than deserved to be loved.

Chakotay stood there in the middle of Tom's quarters and let the hateful words rain down on him, because there was nothing else he could do in this moment – nothing else other than acknowledge Tom's fury, grief and despair, that is. None of the lieutenant's feelings were actually truly aimed at him, and Chakotay absorbed them without feeling hurt or angry himself, understanding with a sudden clearance that this had always been their problem.

Tom had mixed him up with his father, craving the approval of the superior officer when he'd joined the Maquis as some kind of substitute for the approval his own father had always denied him. Chakotay had been admired and even adored by his crew, the Maquis following him through hell and back like Admiral Paris' crew had admired and followed him, even though the Commander suspected that the admiral had never experienced the same level of personal bonds with his crew as he had always been to reserved and distant for that. But he'd surely valued his crew more than he'd ever valued his own flesh and blood.

Chakotay on the other hand had already been influenced by the things he'd heard about Tom when the young man had joined the Maquis, letting his prejudices and mistrust rule his actions and the way he'd treated Tom – and was partly still treating him now and then as today had proven again.  
It was about time to change their relationship for the better and show the hurt young man that he understood his own grave mistake and that he truly cared, so he braced himself inwardly against the hate and ire blazing in Tom's beautiful blue eyes that were aimed at him in the lack of the real target, enduring all those hurtful accusations and contemptuous verbal attacks silently and with his calm gaze fixated firmly on Tom's face to show him that he was paying close attention and truly listening to him.

The storm of overwhelming emotions slowly died out when Tom's voice began to croak and the lieutenant realized that Chakotay was not just kicking the can down the road, but actually acknowledging and respecting his rightful anger about the way he'd been treated during their mission earlier that day, and he swallowed thickly and snapped his mouth shut, the blue flames of his hate and fury shining in his eyes fading until there was nothing left but utter exhaustion and the tiny spark of cautious hope that he would perhaps be forgiven for his outburst.

Tom drew his arms tighter around his midsection in the useless attempt to protect the last pieces of his shattered heart, and Chakotay knew that one false word or move would fuck everything up and do greatest damage to the young man he'd sworn to protect like each member of the Voyager crew when they'd stranded in the Delta Quadrant.

“You're right, Tom,” he said, carefully controlling his voice because he feared that the lieutenant wouldn't believe him if he thought that Chakotay would mock him in any way. “You're right, and I'm truly sorry for how I treated you all this time.”

Paris snorted, taken aback and trying to keep up his defenses by questioning the honesty of Chakotay's apology. “Yeah, sure. Have you even heard one single word of what I told you? Because if you had, I would already find myself in the brig, wouldn't I? No crew member is allowed to attack their superior officer like that without facing the consequences instantly.”

“I listened to you, and I heard all of what you said. There are no consequences like a punishment because you were right with everything you said, while I was wrong. You've proven your loyalty to Voyager and Starfleet every single day since you came on board – which has been years already – and instead of judging you by your actions and the honesty of your behavior, I l based my judgment and my own actions towards you on old prejudices and never really gave you a chance. I wasn't the commanding officer I should have been for you, and I want to apologize for that.” Chakotay went silent and waited, his dark eyes a mirror of his true feelings and intentions as he lowered his own walls and barriers down to make himself as vulnerable as Tom was after he'd laid all of his emotions bare tonight.

Tom was clearly confused, torn apart between hope and mistrust, a mistrust that was hard to overcome after the long time that things had been off between them.

“And what do you expect from me now?” he finally wanted to know, his voice still hoarse from his outburst, but no longer hostile. If anything, then he sounded tired and resigned.

“This is not about expectations, Tom. But I do hope that you'll give me the chance to prove to you that I can be different. That I want things to change between us, and that I can do better than I did for the last years. I'd really like to start anew with you – and maybe even become your friend.” Chakotay only realized that he was holding his breath as he waited for the younger man to make up his mind when he started to feel dizzy. He inhaled a quiet breath and hardly dared to move, fearing that the fragile truce between them would break if he did.

Tom's expression was raw after the roller coaster he'd just gone through, and Chakotay felt deeply touched and honored that the lieutenant let him witness his vulnerability and see through the mask he was usually wearing, wondering briefly how many people had been allowed to do that so far.

Harry Kim most likely, as Tom's best friend – the first real friend Tom had probably ever had – B'Elanna before their breakup perhaps, maybe even Captain Janeway, but that had to be all who'd been permitted to take a glimpse behind Lieutenant Tom Paris' defenses. Chakotay took Tom's willingness to let him see the real Tom as the precious gift it actually was, and he felt a sudden hot wave of ire shoot through him at Tom's behalf, ire aimed at Tom's father that the admiral had never tried to see his son the way he actually was, the sensitive and honorable young man, honest, brave and so strong, loyal til death to all those who deserved his loyalty.

The facade of the carefree and witty womanizer and daredevil who never seemed to really care about anything or anyone was just Tom's way of protecting the castle of glass his fragile and caring heart was, the wall he'd built around it to make sure that the castle of glass wouldn't shatter for a second time when he'd patched it back together again with so much effort after the accident that had cost him so much – most of all the love and approval of his father.

Chakotay thought that the countless cracks that were still left after the first crash must still be visible, still hurt so much, and he swore to himself that he wouldn't rest until Tom wouldn't feel them any longer, until they would become invisible again and the beautiful vitreous castle would be whole and strong again.

Tom Paris was worth the effort, and the Commander could finally admit the reason for his behavior and his prejudices as he stood there in Tom's quarters and waited patiently and anxiously at the same time. He'd always been attracted to the beautiful young man, but denied his attraction and his desire for Tom even to himself because he'd never dared to believe that his feelings could ever be returned. Hating Tom and holding him responsible for everything that went wrong was so much easier than admitting his feelings and accepting them, and it had protected his own heart quite efficiently until tonight.

Now it was time to take the risk of getting some cracks of his own to show Tom that they were equal in this, and a smile was breaking out on his face and shining in his eyes when Tom slowly unfolded his arms to let his arms drop down to his sides, his fingers clenching and flexing again when he murmured:

“I think I'd like that. Start anew with you, Comm... Chakotay. Do you really think that we could be friends?” Tom sounded small, hopeful, and he looked so much younger than he was all of a sudden, the lines the years in the Delta Quadrant had carved into his handsome face softening.

Chakotay felt another hot wave crushing over him, but this time it was one of deep affection and desire, and it made him feel alive like he hadn't felt in a long time.

“Yes, I do, Tom,” he said, fearing that he would reveal too much and deter the younger one away if he said more right now. He needed to find a way to keep his emotions at bay and be the friend Tom needed him to be. Tom's break-up with B'Elanna was still fresh, and he deserved time and that his needs and feelings were finally acknowledged and valued higher than Chakotay's own rather selfish wishes.

“Tom swallowed, looking a little lost, but then he reached out with his hand, and the smile that was playing around his lips was reflecting in his eyes. “Friends, then,” he said, and Chakotay took the proffered hand and smiled back.

“Friends, Tom,” he confirmed gently, and being stuck in the Delta Quadrant thousands of light years away from home was suddenly not as terrible anymore as it had always been until tonight.

~~~

The bittersweet memory of the turning point in their relationship was clear in Chakotay's mind when he looked down at Tom's flushed face, halfway buried in the pillow beneath him.

They had taken baby steps after their painful heart-to-heart talk on that night, Tom still cautious and with the mistrust that had been built between them for years, while the Commander had never faltered in his determination to tear down the walls and built new ones around both of them, walls that were based on trust and understanding instead of fear and prejudices.

It had started with talks in their respective quarters that lasted no longer than half an hour or so before one of them would take his leave, and Chakotay's heart had pounded in his chest when he'd proposed to spend the evening on the holodeck. They'd been doing sports at first, flight simulations, everything that could offer a valve for Tom's feelings without him having to admit them too openly and compromise the distance between them he still needed at the beginning of their blooming friendship, which was still more a truce than a real peace treaty at first.

It had been Tom who'd asked Chakotay for a few games of pool billiard in Sandrine's, just the two of them and no one else. Chakotay had been so surprised that it had taken him some time to notice that Tom had even re-programmed the holodeck characters in a way that the girls that would usually come to the table to sit in Tom's lap and steal kisses from him ignored him instead, and it felt to Chakotay as if they were actually alone there and on a real date.

Billiard was soon forgotten, he and Tom sitting in a niche and talking to each other, and Tom's attentive looks out of thoughtful blue eyes made Chakotay's heart beat in his throat. Their evenings on the holodecks turned into real dates almost unnoticed, and the Commander eventually dared to ask the younger man for a dance a couple of days later. Tom looked at him with big eyes, but nodded silently, his cheeks coloring in a faint pink in the dim lights of the bar.

Their moves were rather stiff and clumsy during the first song, but Tom leaned in to rest his head on Chakotay's shoulder when the first tunes of the second song began to play, and the Commander pulled him close to his body and hummed the melody into his ear, their moves slowing down until they were merely rocking back and forth and to the sides, their cheeks almost touching when Chakotay inclined his head to search for his eyes.

“Tom?”

“Chakotay?”

Tom peered at him through hooded lids from where he'd pillowed his head on his shoulder, and the raw wave of tenderness and longing that captured him at the sight of trust and hope displaying on Tom's face took his breath away. Their eyes locked, and time seemed to come to a standstill. Chakotay leaned in, and Tom met him halfway until their lips touched.

Their first kiss was burnt in Chakotay's memory like that night when he'd gone to Tom's quarters to apologize, and he still remembered how Tom's lips had felt on his own, so soft and warm. Their first kiss had been shy and sweet, they'd taken their time to explore each other, and Chakotay had taken Tom's face between his hands as if he'd feared that the younger man would run away.

They had kissed with closed lips until Tom had granted him access to his mouth and Chakotay could slide his tongue inside, exploring and caressing and teasing him in the way he'd longed to do for much longer than he could actually remember. The music and their dance totally forgotten they had kissed one another with growing passion until they'd run out of breath and had had to part, looking into each other's eyes in awe afterwards.

Their first time making love had followed a couple of days after their first kiss. Chakotay had walked Tom to his quarters after their kiss and wished him goodnight with a tender kiss onto his forehead, not wanting to rush things. Yes, they knew each other for years and had learned so much about the other one over the past weeks, but this was too important to the Commander to risk anything. Tom had finally begun to trust him, and Chakotay really wanted to prove to him that this was not about a casual fuck or anything of this kind.

It happened in his own quarters to give Tom the chance to leave if he needed to go – whether it was in between or afterwards – and their first time was as tender as their first kiss had been. Tom was a brave officer and could stand up for himself quite well, and they risked their lives almost on a daily basis here in the Delta Quadrant, but Chakotay thought that the lieutenant deserved all the tenderness, care and attention he'd been missing for so long. He really didn't want to be the one breaking his heart again and adding more cracks to the fragile castle of glass Tom's self-esteem and trust in being treated well and with respect had turned into after what his father had done to him.

Waiting for a while longer had definitely been worth the wait, and more times followed the first one whenever they had the chance to be together for a couple of hours without having to fear that Voyager would be under attack again the very next minute.

“Chakotay, why did you stop?”

Tom's breathless complaint pulled the Commander out of his musings and his rapturous staring, and he smiled and bent down to brush a kiss over Tom's warm and pink cheek and taste his arousal on his tongue.

“Nothing, I just love watching you when you're like this,” he murmured, and Tom craned his head to frown at him, the effect of his reproachful gaze somewhat diminished by the fact that Chakotay was buried to the hilt inside him.

“Like what?” he demanded, and Chakotay chuckled and carded his fingers through Tom's tousled blond hair. “Like this, all flushed and ruffled and aroused. All mine,” he purred in a low voice, content when his words drew a heavy shiver from the man beneath him.

Tom was lying on the mattress on his front, his favorite position when they were sleeping with each other, and Chakotay was on top of him, balancing his weight in order not to crush his lover.

“Aroused, yes, satisfied not so far. I fear you'll have to work a little bit harder to reach that goal. Just lying there and making goo-goo eyes at me won't do the trick, Chakotay,” Tom stated, his voice hoarse and trembling with his need to come.

“It's a good thing that I'm used to being a hard-working man, then, isn't it?” Chakotay retorted with another laugh, picking up where he'd left when his memories had overwhelmed him and thrusting deep into Tom's quivering channel. In and out in a steady rhythm, making sure with each deep thrust that he didn't miss his aim and hit that special spot that would make Tom moan for him and turn him into a wonderful mess. He shifted his weight above the other man a little bit more until he could wrap his right hand around Tom's leaking erection, his left one slung around his chest to support him rubbing over Tom's hard nipples.

With the manifold assault of his senses Tom found himself incapable of keeping his lust under control for much longer than just a few more of Chakotay's thrusts, his cock growing harder in the Commander's hand with his approaching orgasm. It was still a contest between them, who of them would lose his fight first and come sooner than the other one when being on the receiving end, and Chakotay was definitely the winner of this contest. Not because he didn't desire Tom enough or didn't enjoy feeling his beautiful flyboy inside him, but because there was nothing more beautiful and satisfying for him than watching Tom come undone beneath him, dwelling in the moment when Tom would be only and totally his without a doubt, and he would do anything to achieve this.

Their relationship had grown over the last months, based on friendship, trust and respect, but they still hadn't said those famous three little words to each other, and Chakotay still wasn't sure how Tom felt about him – whether it was the same for the younger one as it was for him.

“I'm always glad to be of service and fulfill your wishes, Tom Paris,” he murmured into his ear when he felt Tom getting close, taking Tom's earlobe between his teeth and blowing his warm breath against his neck. His left hand was still rubbing the small knobs crowning the chiseled landscape of Tom's hard breast, and his right hand moved up and down on his twitching cock, slick with the pleasure their lovemaking had milked from his lover.

Tom's eyes had fallen shut, and his red face was contorted in ecstasy when he went rigid underneath him, poised at the edge for one or two seconds. “Ah, yes mission almost accomplished, Lt. Paris. Just come for me, that's what you need so badly, don't you?” Chakotay pushed into him again, hard and fast, battering his sweet spot relentlessly as he tightened the grip of his right hand around his rock-hard manhood.

Tom let out a strangled cry of painful pleasure, his body shaking in Chakotay's arms when he surrendered himself to the intense waves of satisfaction coursing through him, his pleasure erupting from his dick in hot spurts for a little eternity. Chakotay was so focused on him and making sure that Tom found complete satisfaction that his own orgasm hit him by surprise, and he followed his lover over the edge with a loud groan that he muffled on his neck. They shuddered through their shared high until they were both spent and had nothing more to give, dropping back down onto the bed in a boneless heap of sweaty bodies and entangled limbs, panting and trying to catch their breaths. Chakotay could have lain like this forever, but Tom was pushing against him because the Comamnder's body was like a dead weight above him that was choking him, and Chakotay pulled out of him with a sound of regret and stretched his arm to reach for the cloth he'd put onto the nightstand beside the bed in foresight and anticipation of Tom's visit.

Tom obliged with a sigh when he turned him onto his back, the younger man still trapped in the blissful aftermath of the ecstasy he'd just experienced. Chakotay covered him with his body and captured his lips in a tender kiss. They kissed for a while, lazily and without any hurry, simply enjoying each other's company and the peaceful quiet after the storm of their desire.

The Commander carded his fingers through the soft strands of Tom's hair again, and the gratitude he felt because he'd gotten a second chance to prove himself to his flyboy tightened his throat. His desire and longing for the man who'd captured his heart and his soul so thoroughly woke up again, filling him with warmth and making his manhood twitch with new interest.

Tom's eyes flew open and he stared up at him when Chakotay settled in between his spread legs and slowly pushed back into him with ease, the pliant body beneath him still wide and relaxed and the lube still in place.

“Oh wow, you're older than me, how can that be?” Tom demanded with a slight frown, but he didn't sound as though he was truly complaining.

Chakotay chuckled and silenced his feeble protest with hungry lips. “Must have something to do with you just being irresistible and my addiction to watching you come, Paris,” he stated with a smirk, his eyes sparkling with challenge. Tom groaned and shook his head in feigned exasperation, but he wrapped his arms around Chakotay's back and pull him down for another passionate kiss.

“I'll need a moment before I'm good to go again,” he murmured against the Commander's mouth, and Chakotay pushed his tongue deep inside his mouth to lick around and caress the insides of his cheeks. “I'm a patient man, Tom. Good things can't be rushed,” he assured him, rocking his hips back and forth without really pulling out and pushing back into his lover. The gentle motions and the way Tom's sated cock was rubbing against Chakotay's hard abs were enough to fuel the desire of his lover for a second time, and soon Tom was shifting beneath him in the search for more friction.

“Hmm, seems that someone's eager for round two. Wrap your legs around my waist, flyboy.” Chakotay sat back onto his heels between Tom's thighs, and the lieutenant moaned at the loss of his lips on his own and the warmth of the older man's body above his own, but he obeyed, hooking his heels behind Chakotay's backside.

Chakotay took his hips in a firm grip with both hands and started to move, thrusting all the way in and pulling almost out, his eyes watching the other man's face closely. “You like that, don't you? Feeling my hard cock inside you.”

“Would I let you fuck me if I didn't?” Tom countered with a question of his own, a husky moan escaping his lips when the Commander found his most sensitive spot with ease, brushing against it with the tip of his hard manhood every time he thrust into him.

“Say it, Paris. Say that you love having my cock inside you.”

Tom gritted his teeth and enclosed Chakotay's wrist with his hand to make him loosen his grasp and take his neglected cock in his fingers. “I love having your dick inside me, Commander,” he ground out, his eyes almost black with arousal and need, adding an annoyed, “oh come on!” when Chakotay didn't let go of his hip but dug his short nails into the smooth skin over his hipbones instead.

“Oh no, not this time,” he purred, staring down at the lieutenant like a predator that had cornered his prey. “Touch yourself, Tom. I want to watch you pleasuring yourself.”

This was one of Chakotay's secret fantasies he couldn't just couldn't stop thinking of, but he hadn't had the courage to ask him for this until this night. So many nights he'd lain awake and imagined that Tom would let him watch him pleasure himself and stroke himself until he would come with Chakotay's name on his lips, but he hadn't dared to utter his wish out loud and risk that Tom would turn his wish down. He paused in his thrusts when Tom's eyes widened and the other man gazed up at him silently for a moment, swallowing audibly when he saw the desire burning in Chakotay's dark eyes. For the blink of an eye the Commander thought that Tom would refuse, but then the younger man hesitantly closed his hand around his throbbing dick and started to move his fingers up and down on his hard length, his defiant gaze holding Chakotay's in a silent challenge.

Chakotay had to struggle hard to keep his loud moan inside at the incredible sight unfolding in front of his eyes. Tom ran the tip of his thumb over the engorged head of his hard cock, smearing the last traces of his first orgasm and droplets of pre-come all over his cock. Tom's gaze became dark when he saw the expression on the face of his dark-haired lover. There was still a look of embarrassment on his handsome features, an insecure expression in his blue eyes, but he kept stroking himself, clearing his throat before he asked:

“Like what you see, Chakotay?”

“Very much, flyboy.” He started to move faster, unable to ignore the fire of his lust burning in his groin for any longer. “You look so beautiful like this, aroused and flushed, stroking yourself... Please tell me, are you thinking of me when you're pleasuring yourself, Tom? Have you been thinking of me when you were doing this the last time? Did you come with my name on your lips, flyboy?”

“What do you think, Commander?” Tom let out a breathless laugh, and Chakotay bent down to press a hard kiss onto his lips before he leaned back again to resume his pushing and pulling and watch Tom jerk off to his thrusts.

“I think that's a yes,” he managed through his teeth, his need to come and spend himself inside Tom's willing body becoming more and more urgent, but he fought against his need and focused on the man moving against him with the same passion and longing he felt. “I'll have to make sure that you will call my name this time as well when you're coming from my thrusts and your own hand, right?”

“Show me your skills then, Chakotay,” Tom whispered, and Chakotay was more than happy to obey and moved faster, pistoning in and out of him with wanton abandon. Tom groaned and arched his back, his fingers clenching around his twitching shaft. “God, yes, right there, keep going, Chakotay!” he gasped out, meeting the other man's thrusts with ardor and passion. Chakotay watched him with rapt devotion, the beauty displayed in front of him making him feel humble and blessed. He could tell the moment Tom lost himself in the throes of passion, throwing his head back on the pillow as he spurted all over his hand, Chakotay's name tumbling from his lips in a hoarse whisper. Chakotay rode him through his climax, pushing into him all over and wishing that time would stand still so he could savor the ecstasy of the man he loved for the rest of his life. His vision blurred when he reached his own high, painting Tom's clenching walls with his seed, but he didn't take his eyes off his face, suffused with lust and satisfaction, Tom's features unguarded like he allowed it to happen only in such rare and precious moments.

Chakotay knelt between Tom's trembling thighs when it was finally over for long seconds, and the younger man shook his head when he tried to pull out and dragged his closer with his feet that were still locked together behind his back.

“Stay with me,” he whispered, and Chakotay embraced him and dabbed soft kisses onto his face. “You're so beautiful when you come for me, Tom, I could spent my life with watching you come,” he murmured against his lips, stroking the damp blond strands out of his forehead.

“Why are you so addicted to watching me come, Chakotay?” Tom looked at him, his lips swollen from their kisses and his chest heaving with his still raged breathing. “You seem to care more about my satisfaction than yours.”

“I do.” Chakotay raised his head a little bit to meet Tom's questioning glance.

“But why?” the young lieutenant let his fingertips travel over Chakotay's face, tracing the lines of his tattoo and moving down until he could stroke over his lips with his thumb. Chakotay caught his hand in his own and pressed a kiss onto his knuckles.

“Because I love you, Tom.”

Now he'd done it. He'd told Tom that he loved him.

Chakotay held his breath and looked down at him, waiting.

Tom swallowed. “You love me?”

“Yes, I do. More than I'd thought that I could love someone. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize it, but I've loved you for a very long time – maybe even back then at the Maquis. I didn't want to see it, but when I came to you to apologize on that night and you threw all your hurt and anger into my face, I couldn't deny the truth any longer.”

Tom shook his head again. “Don't be sorry, Chakotay. I didn't want to see the truth for far too long either.”

“The truth?” Chakotay's heart was hammering in his chest now.

“That I love you too. Have loved you for a very long time as well.”

“You do?”

“Yes, Chakotay.”

“So I have been worrying that you didn't love me as much as I love you for nothing?” Chakotay pouted, and it was as if a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Tom chuckled. “Seems so. But why should it have been easier for you than for me?”

Chakotay returned his smile and kissed him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Tom's smile was brighter than the light of an exploding nova, and Chakotay had to kiss him again. “I will take good care of your heart and never let anybody break it, I promise you,” he said, knowing that he would do anything he had to do to keep anyone – especially Tom's father – from breaking the beautiful and fragile castle of glass that was Tom's heart again, which he'd been offered to cherish and take care of with so much trust and love.

“I promise the same to you – if you'll give me your heart in return?”

“It's already yours, has been yours for a long time, Tom Paris.”

They sealed their promise with another deep and tender kiss, and when Chakotay finally drifted off to sleep with Tom in his arms, he knew that he could add another precious memory to the ones he already cherished so much, the memory of the first time they had said _'I love you'_ to each other.  
Many more times would follow, but this first time he'd said out loud that he loved Tom Paris would always be the time he would remember, no matter what fate had in store for them, whether they would ever reach the Alpha Quadrant or not.

As long as he and Tom were together, he would always be at home, and this was all that mattered to him.


End file.
